Friday, July 1
Have you ever lived in a paradise? I have, I do. Today I was standing outside my hotel, the one I work at, and the clouds in the sky looked so close I was tempted to reach out and take some out of the sky. I live in paradise.

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You know, sometimes I wonder if I am always going to be this way. The chubby girl who is always the best friend and never something more. That is how I've been for as long as I remember, and now, in my 21st year I feel as if it will never change.
I have spent my life as the shoulder to cry on, the person who throws the first pie in a food fight, and the person to open up to, and yet, in all that, it is never anything more. I truly wonder if I am ever going to have that guy.
Why is it I am always seen as something no one wants? Why am I unwanted? Why doesn't anyone care?

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Monday, June 27

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Saturday, June 25
It is kind of funny what one considers a nightmare. I realized one of my greatest fears is that someone wont like me.
I am very close to a friend of mine. We aren't the very best of friends (on Jesse will ever be my best friend, and he knows it damn well), but we are
very close. I had a nightmare the other day that she told me off, and told me she didn't like me, and that she never wanted to see me again. I remember leaving crying. And them I woke up and I was terrified.
The scary thing is that this was one of those dreams where you can see it happening in the future, and underneath everything, I am terrified that she really doesn't like me. I work very hard to make the people around me happy, and more than anything I think that is my purpose - to make others happy. I'm just scared that I will lose such a close friend...
This is the kind of dream that will terrify me.

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